We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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