i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
