I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
