I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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