Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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