you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
