Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
