I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
