Who did Billy Mays play for?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
