Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
