drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
