I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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