She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
