I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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