Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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