This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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