Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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