dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need some magic done to my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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