Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you had me at cake vodka
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
