I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
