her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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