Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
