In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
