If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
