dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
