Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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