He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
