Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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