i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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