There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
