My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
