Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize