so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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