paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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