I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want nice things and good sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
