You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
