I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
