Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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