Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
