No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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