I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
