After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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