im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
