and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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