never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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