Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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