Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
