I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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