Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
