What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
did i walk over a car last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize