I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a burrito and a hug.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
