i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
