The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize