I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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