tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
