Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
