So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no, he came in my armpit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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