I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
